Love & Sex: Tips for Finding and Creating an Intimate Sexual Relationship

Anxiety is an important factor in the development of sexual dysfunctions. Performance anxiety, or fear of performance, is a well known phenomenon, particularly in men who are concerned over their erectile response and durability of erection. Sexual dysfunction is mostly a result of performance anxiety or fear of scrutiny by one's partner. It is a common problem in which anxiety about engaging in sexual activity becomes an overriding block to the spontaneous flow of sexual feelings and thoughts. Though performance anxiety is more associated with men, women also suffer from it. However, the pressure to perform does lie more heavily on the man.

Typically, performance anxiety produces so much preoccupation with the anxiety itself that the person becomes less fully involved in the sexual interaction. The fear of sexual performance - or, more accurately, the fear of not performing sexually - can affect sexuality in a variety of ways. Performance anxiety can result in avoidance of sexual encounters, lowered self-esteem, relationship discord and ultimately sexual dysfunctions.

Nothing happens in the body without the brain. Worry and nervousness inhibits a person's ability to have and sustain an erection. However, fear and anxiety affect the body physiologically in the same manner that sex does by increasing heart rate, respiration, blood pressure, and skin sensitivity. In fact, research shows that if an individual is mildly scared or anxious, he or she will have an increased sexual response if a sexual encounter immediately follows the fear or anxiety. The real culprit that interferes with sex is not mild fear or anxiety, but worry. Successful sex involves focusing on the sensations and pleasures of the sexual moment and not worrying about the outcome or being preoccupied by nonsexual thoughts.

In women, sexual performance anxiety is less frequently diagnosed, but its presence may similarly inhibit sexual response. Women feel somewhat pressured to be able to reach orgasm, to be more interested in sex, and to be better lovers. Although experimental studies have revealed that feelings of anxiety may actually be arousing in women, most women with performance anxiety put pressure on themselves to be "good" lovers and in doing so, become preoccupied with their every move. In watching her self-performance - being a spectator - instead of enjoying shared intimacy, performance anxiety shuts down any partner communication, comfort, and relaxed breathing, all of which are crucial elements of orgasm and enjoyment of the sexual relation. Her consideration of her partner's perceived assessment of whether she is doing it "right", represses her own spontaneous responses.

Equally, most men also need to know they are satisfying their partner because for a man, sexual performance is a vital part of his perceived self-esteem, sexual longevity and prowess. However, a man's need to satisfy his partner can sometimes create anxiety and tension in the bedroom - as he feels under pressure to be a "great lover", his partner may also worry about her having an orgasm to avoid hurting his feelings. The sexual interaction is dissected so deliberately that enjoyment is virtually impossible. Meanwhile, pressure to have orgasm makes having one virtually impossible.

Overcoming Performance Anxiety
Performance anxiety over sex can be a hard thing to overcome as it ranges anywhere from a little case of jitter to being completely afraid of sex. Although anxiety is usually associated with psychological factors, they can ultimately have very real physical effects as sometimes it is the physical problems like premature ejaculation that turn into psychological trauma. Whichever the situation may be, there are usually a multitude of both mental and bodily elements that needs to be found and conquered.

While recognising that many men would not seek a psychological approach to resolving the condition, an outline of performance anxiety about continued erectile failure and the effect this has on their partner and their relationship, is often appreciated by the man. Treatment should emphasise "sensate focus exercises" and the reduction of performance anxiety. Sensate focus exercises involves both partner taking turns at giving and receiving stimulation while forbidding genital touching, vaginal penetration and orgasm.

This is advocated because if focus is put on ejaculation or orgasm and skills to improve them, there is the likelihood of failure with such an approach because it feeds into performance anxiety. A more successful approach is to focus on how to generally take pleasure and enjoyment in sexual encounters. Ejaculation and orgasm should be viewed as part of a whole sexual experience. By emphasising psychological satisfaction along with more general sensual pleasure, there is better likelihood of decreased performance anxiety.

The best remedy therefore for "performance anxiety" is not to perform! The following tips will help in reducing performance anxiety and help make sexual encounter more pleasurable and fulfilling.

1. Be open and confide in your partner about the situation. He/she needs reassurance that the problem is not his/her lack of desirability.

2. Stop thinking of sex as a test of personal performance and prowess. You are not on a job interview. Consider substituting the word "lovemaking" for sex. In lovemaking, two people give and receive pleasure in many different ways and there necessarily need not be an erection.

3. Learn to relax. Do not concentrate on the outcome of the sexual experience but rather focus on enjoying, giving and receiving stimulation. Study relaxation techniques. Take up a hobby and get more exercise involving deep breathing to help relax the nerves. Relaxation and calmness are excellent foundations for reducing performance anxiety.

4. Engage in fantasy. Even though one finds his/her partner attractive and desirable, fantasising about other sexual situations can help distract from any performance anxiety that might be felt during lovemaking. Engaging in erotic fantasy does not mean one does not love his/her partner any less.

5. Redefine sex. "Sex" is not serious business and should never be! It is more than just intercourse. Employ more varied forms of stroking, kissing, touching, caressing. Sex is mutual pleasuring. Under this definition, you cannot be a failure as long as you are willing to give and receive love.

6. Add humour to the sex. There is always a place for humour in a healthy sexual relationship. Sex should be a joyful, playful, and on occasion a slapstick comedy. Enjoy the quirks and foibles in the bedroom as they help reduce the impact of self-criticism, performance anxiety, and resentment.

And on a last note, sex be really be a source of great humour and joy - and really it does not have to feel like or be serious business!!!

With the ever-increasing demands of work and family in our overcommitted, overworked, and overstressed lives, it is impossible to avoid stress as it is everywhere. A lot of people feel stress in their daily lives, and not all are able to handle the stress and strain very easily. Unmanaged stress is a bonafide libido killer as it serves a cocktail of unpleasant symptoms ranging from nervous anxiety, to insomnia, indecisiveness, irritability, indigestion, and muscle tension.

Your brain has been termed the most erogenous sex organ in the human body and its impact on one's sexual performance cannot be overemphasised. It is the most powerful asset in your sex arsenal and your ability to control it is very fundamental to your success in achieving a fulfilling sex life. Unfortunately, stress can make you lose some or total control over your mind and once that happens, your sexual prowess starts to take a tumble. However, everyone is different so you are the best judge of what causes you stress but its impact on sex are more or less the same - a diminishing sex life.

Biologically, stress in small doses can be useful in dealing with high-pressure situations, such as a job interview, giving a presentation, or winning a race. Under this low dosage, it can also be conducive to a good sex life. However, long-term stress caused by life-altering events, such as the loss of a loved one, a divorce, a job loss or financial problems, anger and resentment, or even a move to new location.

When we are stressed, the body naturally increases the level of cortisol and andrenaline, two hormones that help prepare the body for a stressful event. These hormones protect our lives but in excess can become catabolic affecting the immune system as it breaks down body stores of fat and protein to be used for acute resources of energy and immune response. In fact chronic stress can result in chronic catabolism which is not only one the greatest cause of premature aging and cardiovascular disease but it may also severely inhibit testosterone functions, making it nearly impossible to build muscle or strength to enjoy a normal sex life.

Men and woman handle stress in different ways. When a man is under stress, he often feels more pressured about his ability to pleasure his partner and more susceptible to sexual performance anxiety. His fight-or-flight system causes blood flow to be redirected to his limbs. This is often why most men find it difficult gaining and maintaining an erection.

Women on the other hand tend to respond to stress differently by feeling moody and exhausted. Stress in women also lead to release of oxtytocin, which leads to a decrease of free circulating testosterone in the body. Consequently, this hormonal chain reaction leaves women less physiologically primed for sex.

Not only does stress cause depression, impotence, and mar sexual performance, which in turn can result in low self-esteem and lack of confidence, but the medications commonly used to treat it, such as anti-anxiety drugs, tend to depress the libido and inhibit desire. However, instead of the use of medication in trying to manage stress, a better and more holistic approach may be to indulge in activities that will help you and your partner soothe and relax your nerves.

Ironically, this is the point where the best advice, which however may seem out place, comes in handy. And this would be that you and your partner indulge yourselves in the pleasures of sex. This is because an orgasm will defeat stress every time.

Sex has been shown by various studies to be an effective stress-reliever that can help you and your partner's outlook on life. Sex itself can be said to be an exercise depending on the intensity and involvement during lovemaking. And just like any regular exercise, endorphins (called the "feel good" hormones) are released, which coupled with the soothing touches and deep breathing, contribute to alleviating the physical and psychological effects of stress. Use sex to your advantage in combating stress as it can also refresh your mind, body and spirit.

However, if you don't feel up to having sex, you should make sure not to withdraw from expressions of affection. During periods of stress, you and your partner need more physical contact, kissing, hugging, cuddling, and holding hands. Takes turn nurturing each other in pleasurable ways.

Relaxation is the best antidote to stress any day, any time. For men, relaxation is the key to redirecting blood flow into the genitals. A phrase from Ian Kerner, author of He Comes Next, better illustrates the benefit of relaxation in managing stress when he stated that "If stress inhibits erections, then it stands to reason that relaxation does the opposite. It promotes arousal."

Though it may be initially difficult, try and do whatever it takes to change the mood from one of stress and tension to a more fun and relaxing atmosphere. Soften the lights, put on some mood enhancing music, dance with each other in the nude, and may be, afterward take a candlelit bubble bath. Also give and receive a good massage from your partner while you both practice some deep breathing as you relax your muscles.

Finally, exercise, just like sex, is a great stress combatant. Engaging in some cardiovascular exercises several times a week can help you better manage your stress. Exercise will also help increase general blood circulation, energise, and pump up some of those "feel good" endorphins into your bloodstream.

Ideally, almost everyone is a little bit shy and self-conscious to some extent but rationally speaking, shyness while a general problem for both sexes seems to be more common among men in general. This can be attributed to the fact that society places the man in the role of the "seeker".

It is a natural response to being unfamiliar with the rules for social interaction by not being sure of how you're supposed to act, so you end up being quiet, feeling awkward, and generally being highly conscious of being out of depth.

The major problem with being shy is the fact that it virtually makes you to be too focused on yourself often to the total neglect of others around you as you are always prone to be thinking about just yourself - how am I looking? Does he or she like me or not?

Being shy creates the impression that you are not friendly, timid, insensitive, distrustful and uninteresting to be with. It kind of creates a sense of inferiority complex which in turn will affect your ability to succeed in many other areas of life apart from just relationships.

There is a lot shy people miss out of in life just because of being in their "little corner" of the world which of course they have helped themselves knowingly or unknowingly in getting holed-in. This may further lead to total reclusion. In this state, dating or building relationship bonds can only be a nightmare.

Shyness can therefore keep one from the three fundamentals of successful dating which are 1) getting out there, 2) taking chances, and 3) enjoying life. These are basically the fundamentals to successful dating, so it's absolutely important getting rid of that shyness and start living life again.

Fortunately, shyness is one those traits or habits that most people grow out of as they grow older and develop confidence by their daily interact with more people. This is true because almost everyone is shy at a certain point in their life, most especially when young.

To overcome shyness, below are a few tips that are sure to help any shy individual get over this problem.

1. Learning to trust yourself can help you overcome distrustful shyness. Getting to know your individuality, valuing, cherishing, admiring, and respecting who you are as an individual, is a great starter in freeing yourself from distrustful shyness. If there is no trust or value for yourself as an individual, there is no way you can start trusting others. Self confidence and trust in yourself will help you in forgetting about yourself as your trust in yourself grows thus the feeling of self consciousness will gradually erode while you start developing consideration and care for others unconsciously.

2. The fear of rejection is arguably the biggest problem in starting a new relationship with someone to whom you are attracted. There is the fear that you will be rejected, that you won't know what to say, and that you won't know how to act. This is truer for the men and to a lesser degree for the women.

Fear and anxiety will produce distinct psychological consequences, and if there is anything that is going to hinder your success in dating, it is nothing but fear.

To overcome this problem, approach the individual with the sole purpose of picking them up as your friend or your brother/sister. Once your ego is out of the way, you'll be able approach the issue from a completely different perspective and with greater chances of success.

Always try and remember that no matter how many people are not interested in you, that there are many more people who would be delighted to have the pleasure of your company.

Rejection is just a risk you will have to take and learning to not take it personal, accepting it as a part of the process of dating, would help heal any wounds that rejection might cause. Acceptance feels great, and you'll never experience it if you don't take a chance on that individual.

3. Shy people always fear that they are being evaluated negatively. They think that they are always being watched, being sized and constantly under scrutiny by others while in reality they are the ones doing this to others.

It is advisable to stop judging and sizing up others and stop the thinking that others are always doing this to you. This attitude breeds insecurity and self-centeredness as you are always worrying about how other see YOU, feel about YOU and how they judge YOU. It is all about YOU.

Try and put yourself for once in other people's position and realize that most people are shy and are usually waiting for someone to make the first move. This realisation can help you once you understand that are not alone in your plight for acceptability with others.

4. Practice smiling and making eye contact first with those strangers who don't intimidate you, then with people who intimidate you to varying degrees and then finally those you are attracted to. You can start by smiling to at least 3-5 people in a day and then grow the list.

5. Start making positive but candid compliments about people with the sole aim of making them feel good about themselves. It might be difficult for a start but once this can be kept up with, the benefits in developing your confidence while conversing with others will be immense.

6. Move around a busy public place and try opening up lines of communication with strangers who don't intimidate you and get used to being around people. Join activity groups or may be take a class, go to church more regular, go to a hobby club, the gym or exercise classes, attend parties of friends and colleagues, where you'd have the opportunity of talking to people. Open up to people in these groups and by all means try and socialize.

7. A very big pothole to avoid when trying to overcome shyness with regard to the opposite sex is to avoid the "seeking a mate" mentality. Try and talk to the person as though you were both of the same sex and be completely uninterested romantically for a starter. People easy sense this "mate seeking tendency" and it can be a very big turnoff as it makes you seem desperate, needy and clingy and these are obvious traits most people avoid getting involved with.

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A faltering libido can be frustrating for both men and women. Sex drive can be affected by various factors. Generally an individual's sex drive declines as sex hormone level drops and some vitality is lost as he/she gets older. Howbeit, instead of spending your hard-earned cash on prescription drugs that basically act as a "quick-fix", a more holistic approach to improve your mental and physical health; and your overall sexual performance and stamina should go a long way in helping you maintain a more constant and higher libido.

In fact, for a healthy and more satisfying sex life, numerous aspects of your personal and interpersonal well-being must all come together to function as a whole. Although this might sound somewhat difficult to accomplish, the following sure-fire methods are easy and natural ways to get you back into the driver's seat and take your libido to all-time consistent high.

Exercise
Aerobic (yoga, jogging, swimming, and cycling) and strength-training exercises will help improve blood flow, muscle tone, promote testosterone release, increase stamina and energy, increase body and self-image, and boost moods.

Exercise does this through a simple mechanism. After exercising, as the brain relaxes, brain chemicals called endorphins are released into the bloodstream, reducing pain and fatigue. The increased endorphin levels promote a general sense of well-being and happiness and, therefore, increase vitality and further reduce levels of stress and tension. These all add up to rekindle your sexual arousal and orgasmic function.

Lose Weight
Research suggests that extra pounds may negatively affect libido. Excessive weight can have a negative effect on your self-esteem and make you feel less attractive - a great turn-off for libido. More importantly, being overweight decreases blood flow to the genitals, which besides other health risks, is enough reason for losing a few pounds to help boost your libido.

Learn to relax and manage stress
Emotional or physical stress stimulates the release of stress hormones such as cortisol and andrenaline which over time interferes with libido. Cortisol production over time causes significant testosterone and estrogen reduction thereby inhibiting libido. Stress ends up reducing and weakening your libido, as worry distracts your mind from sexual relationship and onto other things.

Meditative breathing, yoga, tai chi, listening to music, and talking things out with a friend, can help relax the body and release stress, anxiety and depression. The use of aromatherapy is also highly effective in reducing stress levels.

The use of music in relaxation and stress reduction is quite a fascinating phenomenon. Brain function physically changes in response to music. The rhythm can guide the body into breathing in slower, deeper patterns that have a calming effect. Heart rate and blood pressure are also responsive to the types of music that are listened to. Levels of endorphins, natural pain relievers, are increased while listening to music, and levels of stress hormones are decreased.

Eating Healthier Diets
Eating balanced foods that contain high green leafy vegetables and high in proteins and vitamins will not only improve sexual appetite and desire but will also boost a generally healthy life. Apart from helping in the reduction of weight, a healthy diet will also increase energy levels for more fun activities.

While avoiding sugar, you should ensure to cut down on simple carbohydrates (pasta, pizza and other snooze-inducing meals), and saturated fat as they tend to clog arteries and block adequate blood flow to the genitals. Also to be avoided are processed foods, caffeine (advisable only in the morning), and excessive alcohol. Rather, put more protein (for energy boost) like fish (containing Omega-3 fatty acids for improving circulation and sexual health) on your plate.

Adequate Sleep
Sleep is a basic human need. You cannot be in the best of health for sex without incorporating adequate rest into your lifestyle and getting good sleep. As we sleep, our minds and bodies rest and restore energy. Lack of sleep, not only makes an individual feel tired, but it has other side effects such as memory loss, poor concentration, depression, irritability, increased response to stress, and unfortunately, low libido. More recently sleep deprivation has been linked to obesity due to hormonal changes that reduce metabolism and increase appetite - both libido inhibitors.

Sleep more and get some vitality back into your life by cutting back on your caffeine intake, reducing amount of alcohol consumption and trying a light carbohydrate-rich snack like warm milk or a small bowl of cereal at least 30 minutes before bed to provide the brain with tryptophan - a sleep-promoting amino acid. The better relaxed and energetic you are, the more in the mood for sex you can be.

Massage
Giving or receiving a massage is a great way to get sexually aroused. Massage is known to affect the circulation of blood and the flow of blood and lymph, reduce muscular tension or flaccidity, affect the nervous system through stimulation or sedation, and enhance tissue healing. These effects provide a number of benefits such as relief of stress and aide in relaxation, promotion of deeper and easier breathing, and improvement of blood circulation and lymphatic flow.

Massage has also been known to stimulate the body's ability to naturally control pain by stimulating the brain to produce endorphins. Aromatherapy massage with essential oils such as rose, ylang-ylang, bergamot, and/or geranium can help to put you in a very good mood for some intimate sessions.

Dietary and Herbal Supplements
Consider supplementing all other actions above with the use of herbal formulations to help increase your sex drive and excitement. Gingko biloba and Yohimbe have been shown to be effective in improving blood flow to both your brain and genitals.

Also consider the intake of more Vitamin B5 and choline supplements. They are essential components in the production of acetylcholine (ACH), neurotransmitters that send sexual impulses between the brain and your genitals. With too little ACH, sexual activity goes down. Also consider using supplements rich in zinc - the fertility-boosting mineral as it aids in the production of testosterone.

Creating and Maintaining a Loving Relationship

Many people have in their life had great opportunities to find the love of their life and many have had it and just let it slip through their fingers and are now wishing if only they could turn back the hands of time. Love is more like a tender flower, to see it blossom in its glory, it must be tendered and cared for. "A happy ever after" in any relationship can only come with a sense of commitment to the success of that union by the parties involved.

The more mature and self aware we become before entering into a relationship, the better the odds of that relationship succeeding. As we grow older, we connect with more and more people in our daily lives, and encounter various circumstances and through these we experience changes and create new perceptions in our value system and ideals which might occasionally override those we held previously.

However, the fundamentals of any relationship whether it is with family, friends, and colleagues at work, or even the neighbours are basically the same. The following are a few salient points we should consider as we strive to create and maintain an enduring loving relationship.

Mirror Yourself
Most people talk about finding the right partner in their lives, but conversely they should be talking about being the right person for their partner. What qualities are you looking for in your partner? Do you have any of them in your own life? You have to realize that instead of looking for the right person to come and fill that void in your life, you have to be the right partner for that person and then you will attract people who are aligned to your true selves.

As you come to this self realisation, you will evidently soon begin to unconsciously come to terms with the fact that every successful relationship requires two conscious individuals who are committed to seeing that relationship work and are ready to make whatever changes necessary individually in order to achieve their desired goals in that relationship.

Have Clear and Realistic Goals
A lot of people set unrealistic ideals of which they want their probable partner to and should be, and often are not willing to make compromises.

We need to very distinctly clarify what our values, needs and preferred lifestyle are firstly and then we would be in a better position to attract the right person to fulfil these needs.

Learn to Love Yourself
Learning to love one's self is one is the primal factors in finding true love and happiness in our relationships with other. Our deepest of emotions or even the most dismissive of our thoughts have a way of naturally coming true in our lives. The universe generally gives back to us what we are asking it for no matter how insignificant that request might often seem to be.

Love is no exception to this rule. Therefore, we must first love the person that we are no matter what our assumed inadequacies about ourselves might be. The love you have for your true person will inadvertently bring that love you have been dreaming of but that love must first grow from within you to become a reality in your very life.

Take Responsibility
We must internalise the fact that the success of our relationships rest on us and not put the source of our frustrations and the solutions to our problems on external forces.

Take full responsibility for your feelings and action and avoid playing the blaming game. Instead of always blaming others, we should look at situations more critically and look at where we might have fallen short in our responsibilities that might have led to that situation. Stop trying to change others and learn to start changing yourself from within to find true happiness and harmony in your relationship.

Spend Quality Time Together and Communicate Effectively
Communication has been researched and observed to be a common trait of any healthy couples. Lack of effective communication breeds misunderstanding, tension, and unhappiness and brings about relationship failures. Being a good communicator requires the ability to express one's self and also to be a listener which involves you being able to listen attentively to your partner without being judgmental in any form.

Also, research shows that couples who spend the most amount of time alone together have been found to have the highest level of satisfaction in their relationships. You should try and share various kinds of common activities such as children upbringing together and also create room for activities that bring you both in closer personal contact more frequently and provide opportunities that allows both of you to think about and communicate ideas and solutions together.

>>> Enhancing Communication in Relationships    

The key to creating and maintaining a lasting relationship is the art of enhancing communication between couples. The word "couples" connoting two people who are in a relationship not necessarily referring only to married couples.

The bedrock of any successful relationship is the communication between those involved in that relationship. It is the mainstay of any wholesome relationship and loving relationship and it goes saying that without effective communication, it is quite easy for any relationship to easily fall apart.

Statistically, women are believed to averagely speak nearly three times as many words, around 15,000, per day compared to that of a man of about 5,000. So in a typical relationship, the women are often considered to be the talkative partner but in some relationships this role can often be reversed.

In effectively communicating with our partner, it is very essential that we understand the make-up of the sexes and how they tend to communication generally. It is of the opinion of established thoughts that men and women differ in their experience of emotions and their communication of them.

Generally speaking, women, compared to men, express a greater range of emotions, such as sadness, fear, love, happiness, and anger. Women are also more inclined than men to disclose personal information, such as their personal opinion or details of their personal history. All these traits naturally, inclines the woman to seek for attention in order to express these emotions and talking about them is one way they consider best.

Women, obviously find talking to be therapeutic in nature while men mostly consider it as counterproductive. Women tend to process things by talking about them believing it helps resolve the problems as talking to them is closer to thinking out loud.

With the above understanding, here are some points that can be of assistance in helping us enhance communication in our relationships.

Listen Reflectively
The most fundamental key to success in effective communication is the art of listening. Listening doesn't have to mean that we just agree with whatsoever our partner is saying, but most times it simply "agreeing to disagree" over certain issues.

Learning to communicate effectively with your partner means that you are willing to be fully present and attentive during discussions. The primary aim of good listening is to try and understand what your partner is saying by going giving your full attention while they are reflecting on their points as they speak.

Once there is reciprocated active listening from both parties involved, effective tow-way communication has been established, which is the main goal of communication. The feeling of being heard and understand is the strongest singular communication booster.

Show Interest and Always Compliment Your Partner
One very important and easy way to keep your partner talking more is to talk about issues that you know are very real to him/her. If you've been with your partner even for just a short while, you would probably have discovered by now where his/her fancies lie. Sincerely get interested in this area of your partner's life and bring up subjects related to it and this will greatly help in increasing the willingness they will have in communicating with you even on other subject matters.

The goal is to sincerely show your partner that you appreciate them that much. If you can only try and remember the glow on your face the last time someone gave an unexpected compliment, you'd probably understand the natural need to be affirmed and appreciated by others.

Engage in Activities that Promote Communication
Activities like watching a movie together can provide avenues through which we can easily engage our partners in creative and effective communication. Try and be spontaneous, do something physical to get their undivided attention and find within such opportunities, activities that both of you can engage in and that will provide avenue for both of you to always be close together, discussing and sharing your views.

Go out with each other frequently and spend quality time alone. Date him/her over again. Use such opportunities to have frequent discussions on anything that might be of mutual interest to both of you.

Ask Good Questions
It is said that the answer you get is as good as the question you asked. Do not presume that your partner knows what you're thinking or always understands what your needs are and how you might be feeling.

If your partner seems agitated or upset, don't just assume things, try and discern if the situation is right to ask them if anything is wrong. Don't shy away from it.

Stop Criticising and Show Respect
If you ever have to criticise, make sure you do it with the purpose of bringing out the better side of that person and not to apportion blame. No one likes that. Avoid unfair and critical judgment even in heated argument and always stay in the present addressing issues at hand and never to bring past hurts or events.

Control your attitudes and respect their opinions helping them to bring out the best in them. Everyone needs some respect and care in their life.

As a reminder, always remember that success in relationships does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.

>>> How to Communicate Better For a Dynamic Sex Life 

Sustaining an intimate and satisfying sexual relationship especially one that fosters mutual growth, requires knowledge and exploration, experimentation and practice, generosity and a healthy sense of humor, understanding, and most importantly, honest communication. Communication is vital in maintaining a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship and cannot be overemphasized as several researches have shown conclusively that skillful communication is an essential element of any intimate relationship.

Unfortunately, a lot of people enter into sexual relationships with the expectation that sex will naturally be of its own an integral part of the life of two people who love and desire each other. However according to Jean Koehler, Ph.D., marriage and family therapist and president of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), "There is a natural calming down of sex with the same person after about six to 18 months - that's because in-love feelings at first cause euphoria from changes in brain chemicals".

However, with an initial understanding of the fact that all relationships take work to succeed, couples should be able to realize that the most important relationship in their lives would require the most work and commitment. The survival and vibrancy of your sexual relationship depend to a very large extent, on the amount of intimate and honest communication that radiate between you and your partner. As a result, couples who "never talk anymore" typically "never have sex anymore" either.

The role intimacy plays in maintaining a satisfying sexual relationship cannot be overlooked. According to Laura Berman Ph.D., author of Real Sex for Real Women, "Sex and intimacy are closely linked in our brains, but men and women respond differently to intimacy. Many men can't feel intimate with their partner unless their sex life is satisfying, but many women can't enjoy sex without intimacy. For men, sex feeds intimacy, and for women, intimacy feeds sex. These sexual differences can be disruptive to your relationship so it is important to nourish your sex life with intimacy."

Good sexual communication is therefore rooted in good intimate communication. Establishing a verbal intimacy by talking to each other about your emotions, opinions, ideas, hopes, and fears will make it easier to talk about sex. To help improve and foster an intimate sexual relationship between you and your partner, the following are some ways to keep the communication - and the sexual relationship - flowing.

Have more Direct Communication
Try and be more direct when you want change, clarification, reassurance, companionship, support or something else. You achieve nothing when you speak in generalities and expect your spouse to correctly fill in the blanks. Misunderstandings inevitably grow from unclear communication. State your case and reasoning clearly and concisely, and then actively listen to your partner's reply.

Listen Emphatically
In effective listening, we fully hear our partner's message, particularly the emotional component, and relay our understanding of the message in such a way that he/she feels accepted and understood. Emphatic listening requires us to listen on a deeper level, connect to the feelings of our partners, and communicate the connection.

Keep it Real
After two to three years, the body simply can't crank up the needed amount of those love-chemicals to get us into those sizzling highs we had at the onset of the relationship. We also need to come to terms with the fact that "early love is when you love the way the other makes you feel" as explained by psychiatrist, Mark Goulston of the University of California, Los Angeles. On the other hand, he continues, "Mature love is when you love the person as he or she is." This is the difference between passionate and compassionate love.

There definitely will come times when you don't just feel like it, or you don't even want to see your partner, and sex doesn't just feel great anymore. However, by setting realistic goals of not expecting sex to be mind-blowing every time, partners can effectively create an atmosphere in which, love will thrive.

Keep a Physical Connection
Nourish your intimacy levels by making sure that you keep a physical connection alive by touching, kissing, and creating opportunities for talking more often. These little bits will go a long way in enhancing your bond and intimacy. And even when you are not in the mood for sex, take some time every now and then to lie down and cuddle or have one of those light-hearted teasing conversations that has nothing to do with work or any domestic issue.

Ask for What You Want
Only you know what you want and what you need, never presume your partner knows because they are not mind readers. Also most people don't ask for what they want because they think they can't get it. If you want to make love standing up in the bathroom, go ahead and say so in form of a request rather than in a demanding way. Most times it is not the asking that is the problem but the way the message is often conveyed to our partners. You will be surprised to learn that you can get what you want by keeping your request simple and to the point while using the right tone of voice and body language.

Show your Partner What You Want to Receive
You can create good bedroom communication by using verbal and physical skills to help your partner understand what you need. Give your partner what you would like your partner to give you. If for instance, your spouse is kissing too aggressively for your liking, say "I love it when you kiss me softly and slowly" - then show him/her just what you mean. It is also arousing telling your partner what you like by giving him/her sexual cues as you let your body talk to him/her whenever something pleasing is being done to you.

Maintain the Excitement
Variety they say is the spice of life and nothing kills romance and great sex like routine and boredom. As your relationship ages, you need to put in some effort and use a little imagination to recreate the passion and romance of your early relationship. Don't be shy about initiating a little sexual magic to seduce your partner to your way of sexual thinking. Light some candles, set the mood with some great relaxing music, take a warm shower together, or get an aromatherapeutic massage with fragrances like jasmine, ylang ylang and rose to help stimulate your sex drives.

>>> How to Get Your Ideal Partner 

Interestingly, this is one of the most important decisions to make in one's lifetime. Finding the right partner who will make you happy is definitely a very important thing in life. A decision so dreaded that some consider it to be blown out of proportion. Be it as it may, it remains a big decision, not to be taken with levity or left to chance.

What constitutes an ideal partner to you? What qualities or traits are you desirous that your mate should possess before they fall into this category? Are you looking for an ideal partner for just dating or someone you are interested in settling down with in marriage? What are your goals and true intentions? When you are able to first sit down and focus on exactly what it is you are looking for in your supposed "ideal partner" than the quest has only just begun.

We set up these images in our subconscious being of the "ideal partner" we so much desire thus giving little or no room for anything else. Setting too high an expectation for ourselves, we have many times over again unknowingly rejected our chances of happiness, and an opportunity to find that true love we so much seek after.

Ironically, after setting these standards, we generally fail to take a retrospect and ask ourselves if we have any or all of these qualities we are expecting in our "ideal partner" in our own lives. He is not this, she is not that, what do you have or seem to have to have set you so much on a higher pedestal than that person you are currently or hoping to date and probably marry. Are you so perfect an individual that there isn't any fault or crack in your seemingly "ideally perfect life".

In my candid opinion on this issue, I think it is in place for an individual to want some kind of traits or qualities in the life of the person he or she intends being with for the rest of his or her life. However, in this pursuit, this has inadvertently become an obstacle to many finding happiness in relationships and in their love life in particular.

Howbeit, I strongly believe that one needs to have a clear-cut understanding of what he or she wants in a partner before they can choose well for themselves but that they be willing to compromise and adjust in order to find that real life partner and not that ideal they dream of. We should realise that we are constantly making choices all the time either actively or passively and ultimately we are bound to make a choice about who we are going to settle down in life.

It is therefore very important that we set appropriate and achievable goals about the qualities that we really desire in our mate. There are certain issues about this potential mate that we must never overlook in order to save us many heartaches and the following three categories of qualities can be of very good help in prioritising this list.

The "Must Have" Qualities
There are qualities your potential mate must possess and these are NOT negotiable. They are the deal-breakers. Either your potential partner has them or it is a no. Having a "Must Have" list will help to avoid falling into the trap of believing that your potential mate will change for the better in the course of time or that in fact, it really does not matter or that probably because "it's you" and thus they will be different.

Issues like you wanting to settle down in marriage, to have children, and issues bordering on your political or religious affinity and tolerance are certainly qualities that you should strongly consider. Other issues that you consider supremely important from the deepest recess of your heart should be included in this list. If the qualities in your "must have" list are not in your potential mate, the odds of you eventually quitting that relationship over these same issues are generally increased.

The "Must Not" Qualities
If you are not too sure what these might include, the best thing to do is to take a retrospect and reflect on the things that have always repeatedly happened to you in past relationships. Is he or she overbearingly self-conceited, proud, jealous or wanting to overly control you or seemingly too possessive, then these are certainly qualities that should enter into your list "must not". You have to be very clear about these qualities and avoid them like the plague they are.

Other "Very Important" Qualities
These qualities are qualities that might be important to you that your potential mate could possibly possess or if they do not have, you might as well do without. These qualities would really, if they were present make, you feel quite happy to a degree but nonetheless you should give them a thought and include on this list.

Having these clarifications behind us, we literally open the door for that person to walk right into our lives to fill that void and it becomes much easier for us to recognise when they really show up because our minds have already put the laws of attraction to work in our favour. Recognising and receiving that person in our lives thus becomes a lot easier and successful.

On a closing note, as you review your lists, keep your heart open and your view optimistic and before you know, voila, you would be walking down the aisle with your dream real life partner.

>>> Love & Sex: The Art of Foreplay 

Foreplay is largely referred to as a range of erotic physical stimulation that takes place prior to "real" sex or sexual intercourse that in men stimulate erection and in women lubrication. It involves behaviours that are sexually pleasurable and often involves the use of the tongue, fingers, hair, breast or a sex toy to give and receive an all-over body sensory experience through scrumptious kissing, fondling, and licking, nibbling, and sucking.

However, most sex experts today believe that behaviours that are commonly labelled as foreplay are pleasurable sexual activities in their own right and need not be thought of as only preliminary to other activities. Most find this objectionable as it implies that everything else is but a warm-up for intercourse, its fixed end point. Suggestions such as "loveplay" "outercourse", and "noncoital sex play" are considered better terms as they include everything, take pressure off everybody, and doesn't seem quite so desperately goal-oriented.

When it comes to foreplay, sexual pleasuring, such as oral and manual stimulation should be considered as self-contained features of a dynamic, ever-evolving sexual menu, of which intercourse is but one. There's therefore need for a deviation from the norm that sex is just about achieving an orgasm - the peak sexual experience - and consider sex rather as "the whole" incredibly intimate sexual journey that partners embark to reach the ultimate pleasure. The pleasure is in the experience of the whole journey and not just the final destination itself and none of the activities on this journey being deemed hierarchically superior to the other.

Foreplay should therefore be considered as part of a broader sexual interaction, an essential component that stimulates and prepares the body and mind/emotions to move through the phases of the sexual response cycle in preparation for orgasm. Therefore, being erotically charged by a sexual partner should not necessarily mean that every interaction should have to end with sexual gratification. Foreplay therefore, need not be about sex but about infusing a relationship with a sense of love and intimacy.

Traditionally, foreplay has been considered something a man has to do for a woman to get her as ready for sex as he presumably always is. This is most probably so because naturally, men find it easier to get aroused and revel in the pleasures of sex than women who generally need a little more time and manual stimulation to get aroused in order to enjoy sex. While some men can become aroused and get an erection in just a few minutes, women can take up to 30 minutes to reach their arousal peak.

Technically speaking, while arousal might be considered instinctive for both men and women, women's sexual responses are not necessarily innately slower than men's but that women require more foreplay because it's harder for them to reach orgasm through ordinary intercourse. It is however unfortunate that most men do not realise this fact - that women need some extra time, emotions, and erotic stimulation to reach a state of arousal where they can achieve an orgasm.

Retrospectively, in a study, about 709 sexually experienced adult females nurses were asked to rank the importance of 15 different things (such as fatigue, stress, and lack of tenderness) that interfered with their ability to reach orgasm. Foreplay was ranked highest outranking all others by a good margin. The women considered their men to be overly focused on the goal (intercourse), and tended to hurry through it all. Men, according to them, don't slow down and take enough time to linger, to be playful, to explore, and to help their partners to be satisfied.

On the duration of foreplay, this group of women preferred their partners indulging in foreplay for about an average of about 17 minutes. Meanwhile, a re-examination of a research by Dr. Alfred Kinsey, the Kinsey Group's data revealed that about only 7.7 percent of the women whose partners spent 21 minutes or longer on foreplay failed to reach orgasm.

Tips for absolute foreplay pleasure

As with self-pleasuring, most people probably have ways of pleasuring their partners. Though most women have the same general erogenous zones, each woman, of course, has different sensitivities at different times. However when it comes to actually getting physical, men and women often make similar mistakes. As observed by Masters and Johnson, during foreplay, both men and women tend to do things that they think would turn their partners on. Really, the key to achieving pleasurable foreplay is to communicate with each other what the expectations and likes of each partner is. It doesn't necessarily have to be verbal, but it's important to let your partner know, in one way or the other, what feels good and what doesn't.

1. It Starts in the Brain
As Masters and Johnson also puts it - "Always remember that good sex begins while your clothes are still on", it starts in the brain. The mind indeed can also be an erogenous zone. "Getting in the mood" is not just the few moments before sex; it can go on for hours, or even days beforehand. Foreplay, too, begins before you touch one another. During and after lovemaking it's important to stay present with your partner as you're trying to experience a more profound state of being together, not just a momentary climax.

2. Pay Attention to Romantic Details
Set the stage for love in little ways, making sure the room is warm enough, the lighting is right, and so forth. The setting you create - candles, soothing music, and romantic, loving words - will help harmonize your energies.

3. Experiment with Varied Touch
Touch is a key element of foreplay because the surface of the body is covered with many nerve endings that transmit pleasurable sensations to the brain. The skin is also the largest sex organ because all forms of pleasure during foreplay are transmitted through the skin. However, some parts of the body, particularly the clitoris, penis, nipples, fingertips, palms, lips, tongues, and soles of the feet have more densely packed nerve endings. These sites are sometimes called the erogenous zones - the most sensitive parts of both males and females bodies, and are important areas of exploration during foreplay.

4. Go Slow
The essence of foreplay is slowness. Anticipation and growing intensity are important in bringing a woman's desire to the peak of her arousal, passionate kissing can be a good starting point. Begin by kissing and caressing each other's bodies, but not the genitals. Massage, caress, and kiss her hands, wrists and toes moving gradually towards to her thigh, abdomen and then the outer breast before reaching for the nipples.

5. Do some Exploration
Women too often go straight for the penis and a lot of men are oft to complain that women don't grab the penis firmly enough treating it gingerly. However if he cannot tolerate too much stimulation of his penis, just like women, many men have sensitive nipples, scrotums, and perineum which women can instead spend more time on.

6. Experiment with Different Rhythms
Tease him or her by arousing your partner, then backing off. There is increased anticipation when your partner never knows whether you will continue stroking or if you're going to stop and change pattern. Variety is the spice of life and equally the spice of good foreplay. If you've been loving, slow, and soft, you might want to get a little more forceful, aggressive and a little more dominant, to liven things up just a little bit.

>>> Benefits of an Intimate Sexual Relationship

Sex, unequivocally can be termed as the ultimate celebration of human pleasure. Igniting our senses and filling us with ripples of pleasure, sex has been a subject of obsession throughout human history which continues to intrigue us today. While irresponsible sex will cause health concerns, intimate and safe sex provides significant physical and psychological benefits.

Sex is a physiological, natural function, and is part of sexuality. Your sexuality as an individual is a psychic energy that finds physical and emotional expression in the desires for contact, warmth, tenderness, eroticism, and love. When perceived as a natural gift, sex becomes an avenue for harmonising energies, a channel for intimate communication, and an action that strengthens and elevates the human spirit. Your sexuality impacts on the quality of your life; therefore, developing a healthy sex life brings you happiness.

For starters, Paul Pearsall, Ph.D., author of the book "Superimmunity", says emphatically that "sex boosts chemicals in the body that protect against disease." Sex as an act of intimacy is believed to promote health and general well-being. The benefits of frequent healthy sexual practices are both physical and psychological.

Regular sex has been known to have the physical benefits of increasing youthful appearance by imparting a healthy skin glow and overall body tone, promoting cardiovascular conditioning, balanced hormonal production and enhancing the body's function of germ-fighting antibodies, burning of calories and maintenance of an ideal body weight, greater vigour, and the natural relief of pains and aches.

Recent studies have also shown other benefits where breast-cancer survivors who experience orgasm - through lovemaking or masturbation - recover more quickly than those who do not. Many women also report that orgasm during sex also relieves menstrual cramps and headaches.

In addition, the psychological benefits are very real. Sexual intercourse increases our hormonal levels because orgasm is experienced in the part of the brain that rules our emotions, releasing endorphins which decreases irritability, and leaves you with a sense of well-being and a general feeling of relaxation.

To say the least, a fulfilling sex life will definitely enhance your self-esteem giving a boost to your confidence and contentment which consequently affects your relationship, health, and to a large extent, your happiness.

Additionally, the psychological benefits of a healthy intimate sex life include the reduction of stress. In response to stress, endocrines such as adrenaline, noradrenaline, and cortisol are released into the body and over time can become catabolic (destructive metabolism). Endorphins released during an intimate sexual encounter can help to counteract cortisol, which generally cause your body to hold on to fat.

The endorphins, which flood your brain during orgasm also acts as natural relaxants and mood-enhancers and can help overcome emotional distress and depression. The relaxing and soothing feelings induced by endorphins after an endearing and beautiful sex, can equally help those suffering from insomnia sleep better.

According to Alex Benzer, M.D., M.Phil., author of the book, The Tao of Dating, "oxytocin is the hormone chiefly responsible for feelings of long-term attachment in women (in men, it's vasopressin)." Alex concludes by saying that "oxytocin is produced at the moment of orgasm and through touch." This is so because while the hypothalamic hormone oxytocin is the primary peptide in female sexual circuitry, the male sexual cycle is most represented by vasopressin. If ever good sex does not provide any other psychological benefit, this is a sure enough reason to have lots of good sex. This point cannot be overemphasised.

A healthy sex life is an important aspect of your psychosocial and physiological well-being, so denying yourself the opportunity to enjoy your sex life to the full does not just cheat you out of the pleasure; it cheats you out of a full bouquet of derivative benefits - physical and psychological - that could lead to a happier and more fulfilling you.

>>> 11 Foods That Help Boost Your Sex Drive 

Throughout history, humans have sought and tried various edibles that will help in guaranteeing the ability to rise to any sexual occasion. Aphrodisiacs are generally thought of as any substance that arouses or intensifies sexual desire. Fortunately, recent studies have discovered that some of the best-known edible aphrodisiacs do in reality contain certain vitamins and minerals that contribute to a healthy reproductive system and invariably to a healthy libido.

The reason certain foods boost sex drive is because they contain specific vital nutrients needed by the brain and body to regulate the levels of sex hormones and the circulatory system for optimal performance, and not because they contain any magical ingredient. With sufficient supply of these nutrients to your brain and body, vigorous sexual health is a natural end result. Best of all, instead of side-effects, most of these foods throw in some side-benefits.

To get in the mood for romance and so much more, uncovered here is a list of 11 natural sex aphrodisiacs to help increase your hormonal levels and to get your libido soaring.

Bananas
An almost ideal and power-packed food, banana is a good source of dietary fibre, Vitamin C, potassium and manganese. Bananas are equally a very good source of Vitamin B-Complex like riboflavin which are important for the conversion of carbohydrates into energy and which is also suggested to help in the manufacture of sex hormones such as testosterone. Bananas are also rich in bromelain, an enzyme purported to increase libido and reverse impotence in men. Bananas are indeed a sure-fire way to increase your sexual energy.

Dark Chocolate
This quintessential lover's gift contains phenylethylamine, the same pleasure-producing chemical that gives you a feeling of well-being and excitement and usually released when we fall in love. Getting the darkest, richest chocolate is important. Instead of milk chocolate, opt for the dark chocolate with at least 70% of cocoa content as they contain less of the sugar, fat and other things. Chocolate also provide antioxidants, which are great for maintaining the body's immune system.

Ginger
The powerful and high prized medicinal ginger roots, raw, cooked or crystallised, stimulates the circulatory system, relaxing blood vessels and boosting blood flow to the genitals. The pungent principles (including the volatile oil gingerol) are the most medicinally potent because they inhibit prostaglandin and leukotriene (products in the body that influence blood flow and inflammation). They also give ginger its pungent aroma. Some of the most effective forms of ginger include the powdered, encapsulated form; ginger tea prepared from sliced ginger root; or candied pieces.

Avocados
This almost too delicious to be healthy fruit aside from being very low in cholesterol and sodium, is also a good source of dietary fibre, Vitamin C, Vitamin K, lots of minerals and amino acids, and contains a high level of folic acid which help metabolise proteins for generating more energy. The fat in avocados is monounsaturated and they also contain vitamin B6 which increases male and female hormone production. Avocados are rich in vitamin E (an antioxidant) which is vital for overall sexual function.

Almonds
The aroma of almonds is thought to arouse passion in women. Almonds are low in cholesterol but chock-full of calcium and vitamin E, and are also a good source of magnesium, potassium, protein, and phosphorus. In general, most nuts (walnut, peanut, and Brazil nut) are great sources of nutrients that promote sexual health, and often contain phosphorus and zinc. Nuts can be high in calorie so don't over-indulge.

Oyster
The reputation that oysters are good for your sex life is nothing but the truth, as they are indeed one of the classic aphrodisiacs. They are purportedly the richest food source of zinc which promotes healthy sperm and testosterone production, making this food a winner. Testosterone is equally known to stimulate the female libido as well.

Recent scientific evidence suggests that mussels, clams, and oysters deliver two types of amino acids that spark the release of sex hormones in both men and women. Oysters are also a good source of protein, Vitamin C, phosphorus, riboflavin, niacin, Vitamin B12, iron, copper, manganese and selenium.

Asparagus
This purported phallic shape aphrodisiac contains the phytochemical glutathione, which has excellent antioxidant properties. Asparagus also has a good supply of Vitamin E, considered to stimulate production of sex hormones and may be essential for a healthy sex life.

Honey
This "nectar of Aphrodite" has its roots firmly in history, going all the way back to ancient cave paintings to include its aphrodisiac popularity from the libido-enhancing power of the ancient fermented honey drink called "mead". This food is one of the fastest ways to provide your body with sexual energy because it contains simple carbohydrates that are easily digested providing instant energy and fuel for working muscles.

Honey is also rich in Vitamin B-Complex which aid in the function of the neurotransmitters responsible for sexual arousal and also for testosterone production. Combine a few spoonfuls of honey with a glass of milk, and a handful of nuts, and you'll give yourself lots of explosive power. This is arguably why getaways for newlyweds' are called "honeymoon".

Celery
Celery can be a fantastic raw food source for sexual stimulation as it contains androsterone, an odourless hormone released during male perspiration and which can act as a pheromone to trigger female attraction.

Figs
Symbolic of the male and female sex organs, the sweet fresh juice taste of figs is highly pleasurable to the human senses. Figs are high in amino acids, which are believed to help in boosting libido. Also they are a superb source of fibre, magnesium, iron, and calcium.

Garlic
Garlic is one of the most potent disease fighters in the plant kingdom, natural and harmless, and having a pronounced aphrodisiac effect. Most of the health benefits are derived from the over one hundred sulphur compounds it contains, especially allicin, which is responsible for its characteristic scent and flavour. Allicin also helps in increasing blood flow to the genitals making garlic a highly effective herb for increasing libido.

Studies have shown that regularly consumption of garlic can be very helpful in slowing the build-up of plaque on the arteries, prevent the formation of blood clots, and help lower blood pressure thus leading to a general increase in blood circulation. However, if the odour will be a deterrent, you can try the capsules instead.

>>> Infidelity In Relationships 

When it comes to relationships and marriages, hardly is there a topic as touchy as one that has to do with the issue of infidelity. This is more so because few upheavals in the course of a relationship cause as much turmoil as this thorny issue which often lead to relationships breaking up, marriages filing for divorces, insecurity, mistrust and resentment replacing the love, trust and comfort that most of these relationships once fostered.

Infidelity according to the Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary means the act of not being faithful to your wife, husband or partner, by having sex with somebody else. Therefore for the purpose of this article and others relating to the issue of infidelity, the term "relationship" will be used to refer to both those in marriages and those that are in a mutually exclusive relationship of love.

The most perplexing reality about infidelity in relationships is the fact that no relationship is immune to it as it knows no boundary. It respects neither creed nor colour; the rich or poor, newlywed or those celebrating their golden anniversaries. The fact is that it can happen to anyone - even you. According to the Journal of Marriage and Family, couples in "pretty happy" marriages are twice as likely to have an affair as those in "very happy" marriages.

To worsen the situation, the available statistics appear very gloomy and frightening, making you think if there is any hope for today's relationships surviving its onslaught. According to Peggy Vaughan's (author of The Monogamy Myth) analysis show that 60 percent of husbands and 40 percent of wives will have an affair at some point in their marriage; however, less than 10 percent of people who have affairs divorce and marry their lovers.

With that said it is heart-warming and reassuring to at least realise that there is a glimmer of hope of today's relationships surviving and coping with this monster of infidelity.

Let's step back a little and look at possible reasons why infidelity keeps rearing its ugly head in our relationships today.

Majority of people enter into relationships with the expectation of finding fulfilment and happiness in the company of their partner. They hope that their partner would help them to validate and complete the feelings of emptiness, unworthiness and insecurity they have. When these feelings and needs are not met by their partner, most start to look outside of the relationship to find someone who might fulfil these needs. This is the root cause of infidelity - the lack of happiness and satisfaction in relationships.

The affairs are not the actual problem but are the symptom of the problems the relationship might be experiencing. Most issues of infidelity centre on the need for approval, attention and sex needing to be met and satisfied by the other partner in the relationship. It is therefore reasonable to say that 90% of affairs occur because of the close emotional connection that is often formed between the cheater and his accomplice rather than just the need for sexual intimacy.

The main reason why infidelity is so damaging and painful is because of the betrayal, lack of trust, secrets and deception that took place in the course of the affair. Infidelity basically breaks the most sacred treasure in any relationship, that of trust. Without trust you cannot be open with someone and ultimately you can never be happy either.

After the devastating disclosure of infidelity, how to deal with it varies from person to person, but the knowledge that recovery is possible can help those affected work through it. Reassuringly, the majority of relationships affected by infidelity not only survive it, but observation by professionals show that many of these relationships become stronger and more intimate after therapy.

The surest way to forestall this incidence from reoccurring is to discover how and why the emotional disconnection happened in the relationship and work towards resolving them together with your partner. Nonetheless, there must be true remorse and willingness on the part of the cheater to change and repair the damage done and the cheated is willing to work hard to forgive the cheater.

However, bear in mind that recovery will not come overnight as the process takes time - often years to rebuild the broken trust. Once the coupes are committed to working together in dealing with the issues at the heart of the emotional disconnection, their relationship can most definitely survive, and thrive, after infidelity.

>>> 7 Common Reasons Why Couples Breakup 

Nothing in life is sure which is why there is that fair certainty that sometimes in your life whether you like it or not, you will experience a relationship breakup.

When it comes to breakup in relationships, there is no single and isolated reason that can be given for it. Despite the varied and multifaceted reasons why couples breakup, there are certain telltale signs that most breakups tend to show just before they happen. A prescient look into some of these reasons might help us avoid some of these pitfalls and save of precious relationships.

1. Infidelity
With all other reasons taken into this consideration, this is perhaps the major reason why couples breakup. Infidelity is a relationship wrecker to say the least. After a case of infidelity is discovered in a relationship, the element of trust is put under scrutiny and most relationships that survive it may never remain the same.

Relationships are found and built on trust and each partner is exclusively bond together physically. It is therefore often very difficult to forgive, forgot and then learn to trust a partner who has betrayed that trust. This is so often the major reason couples breakup.

2. Incompatibility
It is sad but true that a lot of couples after spending time together come to the awful realisation that they have certain "presumed" irreconcilable compatibility issues.

This is actually a failure on the part of the couple to come to a compromise and realise that though they have their differences of opinion, wants and desires in life, they can still work things out.

3. Lack of Quality Communication
Relationships basically can never survive without communication as this is the foundation of it. Lack of open and frequent communication between couples about issues that occur in the relationship can easily distress the relationship.

When issues cannot be brought out in the open and discussed with maturity between couples then there will be a situation where over time, anger, resentment, dissatisfaction and hatred will become bottled up by one or both parties.

When there is no quality communication between couples, they shy away from looking at and doing something about problems such as trust, flirting, jealousy, infidelity etc that might be plaguing the relationship. When there is good communication a lot of these seemingly difficult problems can be more easily resolved.

4. Financial Differences
While infidelity may win the day when it comes to reasons why couples breakup, disagreement over financial issues is nonetheless a front burner among reasons why couples also breakup.

If there are not proper rules and guidelines set at the onset of the relationship or if one the partners develops a different attitude toward financial obligations regarding earning, saving and spending of money, then that relationship may well be heading for the bottom of the hill. The use of money as bargaining power in most relationship is very unhealthy and also a contributory factor for a lot of breakup between couples. Also the financial independence of women today has brought in a change in most of their attitude toward the role of the man in the relationship.

5. Lack of Appreciation and Attraction
Everyone wants to feel loved, respected, valued and appreciated in their lives and mostly in their relationships. When these little niceties are missing in a relationship, things can get very dreary and irritable.

The loss of attraction may cause reduction in physical desire which can be as a result of shortcomings in either of the couple's neglect of his or her physical fitness. However, each should try and view their partner as a person and not as an object that makes him or her feel good.

6. Lack of fun and spontaneity
When the day to day chores and responsibilities necessary in maintaining a home starts increasing, they can easily lead to boredom and can stifle the liveliness out of the relationship. City life and relocation stress has also added more to this problem. Business and professions compete strongly for the time need to establish strong and loving relationships.

While the excitement in the relationship may start fading gradually, you can help keep things fun by being friends and playmates over again as well as the lovers that you are. It will take some hard work but you can start by trying to challenge each other and plan activities that will encourage you having fun together.

7. Lack of Commitment
This is an issue which cannot be pushed under the rug because our society is gradually becoming a more selfish one by the day. When we fail to give our relationships the attention and commitment they deserve, we are inadvertently planning for their failure.

Committing to our relationships will involve us making and spending time with one another on a more regular basis. Intentionally do something special, caring or romantic for each other every once in a while.

>>> Advice for Ending A Long Term Relationship 

This can be a very difficult time in the life of anyone who has been involved with someone else in a long term relationship. Breaking up with someone you have loved and cared about over a period of time is not easy but often times you might discover that you are better off without that person in your life. However, it is important to know whether to give a struggling relationship some time to heal itself, how much time you should give to it and when exactly to call it quit.

With that said, we should realise that most relationships are often in a state of lull and all that it might just need is a little more attention to get it back on track and not necessarily calling it quit. However, a lot people remain in unpleasant relationship because breaking up is just too difficult an issue to bring up and tackle.

Howbeit, there are times when we get to the point that there is no other option left to us except for both parties to go their separate ways due to irreconcilable differences. How to handle ending a long term relationship is the focus of this piece.

Firstly, it is very important that we put ourselves in the shoes of our partner and ask how we will feel about the way we intend carrying out this breakup exercise if the scenario was reversed. Except where distance is really a big issue, phone calls and text messages should never be used when ending any relationship at all. By all means avoid the blame game and be as civil as you be.

You should by now have come to a clear cut reason why you want the relationship to end and be able to effectively explain this to your partner. Be thorough about this as in most cases the immediate reasons you might be thinking of might be just trivial and the main reasons still lie uncovered. In presenting your reasons you should strive to be as honest as possible with your partner. Think through what you are going to say and your possible responses.

When you have assured yourself of the reasons why you believe the relationship is no longer working and why it cannot work, you should face the grim reality of bringing this the notice of your partner. You should avoid procrastinating, as the decision of breaking up the relationship will not alleviate the problems but only succeed in postponing the backwash. The sooner you do it, the better.

Accept that your partner may express strong feelings about your decision and so you should be prepared to listen to them and resolve not to argue in the course of the discussion. Do not bring up issue or create situations that are likely to put your partner on the defensive. You can eulogise the lessons you would be taking with you and the memories you will cherish as a result of the love you have both shared so far.

The atmosphere may become very emotional and your partner may in their response say things they do not really mean just because they are upset. You have to be calm in this point since you are the one that initiated the breakup and have yourself had time to go over issues before raising them at the breakup. You should allow your partner to air his or her view about your decision and if there be need for both of you to meet again to conclude the breakup, then provide them with the opportunity.

However, in such a emotionally charged atmosphere, you should maintain your position and not create an emotional imbroglio to be clear later. Clear up the air once and for all making your points for breaking up as clear and concise as possible while being civil about it. You should avoid anything that will create any form of hope for your partner.

On a last note, after the breakup try to keep contact with your now erstwhile partner to the barest minimum and if possible cut it off completely for the first few months after the breakup. More importantly, it is advisable not to immediately get into a new relationship after such breakup.

>>> 5 Steps to Moving on after a Breakup 

When breakups occur in our lives and we have lost a good relationship due to possible irreconcilable differences between us and our partner, we grieve but then like all other things in life, we must pick ourselves up and move on.

In order to move on with our life after a painful breakup, the following suggestions would go a long way to help you heal faster and prepare us for a more fruitful relationship.

1. Come to terms with your feelings
First thing you should do after a breakup is come to terms with your feelings; you cannot just suppress them and think they will go away just like that. You must work through them. You must accept the pain that a breakup brings along with it and make peace with it. Take it in good-faith that it has happened; forgive your partner for whatever role they might have played in the breakup. Making peace with your inner self and dealing with your emotions will fast track the healing process faster than you could imagine.

Most times it is best to agree with your ex that there were problems with the relationship and that you respect his or her position and hope the best for him or her in their future relationships. An amicable approach such as this leaves room for any possible reunion given that the relationship was not an abusive one.

2. Avoid the blame game
As a rule do not dwell on what might have been in the relationship. Once the breakup has happened it does not matter whose fault it is and therefore we should avoid apportioning blames either on ourselves or our former partner. Things often happen in life that we have no control over and all we can do is what is within our power and to leave the rest to God.

Always remember that everything that happened is not your fault as it "takes two to tango". Accept the fact that time itself is a great leveller and that the breakup itself might have done you some good that you are failing to appreciate. It is time that reveals the true personality of our significant other.

3. Get rid of all reminders
One practical thing to do when moving on after a breakup is to get rid of anything that reminds you of your ex. At this stage you do not need anything that will trigger memories you would rather forget. It is necessary to delete telephone numbers, remove his or her pictures from your house, and store the present they might have given you. You do not need to destroy them but just get them out of sight so that you do not have to see them on a daily basis.

4. Learn from your past relationships
After a breakup, most people fail to retrospectively go over the possible or obvious reasons for the breakup and sometimes first go about trying to savage it. The greatest part of a breakup should be the lessons you learn. Everything that happens to you in life has a lesson to teach and breakup also has lessons it wants to teach us that we might fail to learn if we do not open up our minds.

What were the things you did well in the relationship? What could you have done differently? What have you learned from the breakup? These are salient points you need to think over and bring the positive points into your new relationship learning to avoid the mistakes of the past breakup. A breakup might really present you an opportunity to improve yourself as a person, and be better adjusted for a more successful relationship.

5. Recognise when you are ready to love again
Finally, you need to recognise when you need to get over the breakup and start moving on. When frustration starts setting in after the breakup, you should know that this is a signal to move on. Also, by the time you have dealt with your feelings and emotions about the breakup and you have let all the frustration and bitterness to go, you will come to realise that your heart will now be open and willing to love again.

You should start thinking more about how to improve yourself and never stop looking after your mental and physical health. You need to keep yourself in shape and learn to love yourself more as these would be helpful in your future relationships. You should not forget that how long it takes for you to get over the breakup entirely depends on you and your willingness to follow these guidelines.

* * * Raymond Ehoma is a WUVING.com Featured Relationship Expert.

==>> Raymond is an Internet Marketer who writes on a variety of subjects but with major interest in internet marketing, personal well being, self development and relationships. He has a very special interest in researching and finding out ways to help individuals bring out the best in their relationships. Through extensive research, Raymond provides individuals with honest, unbiased, no-hold-barred information they can use to enhance their love, sex and relationship happiness. Raymond believes that in relationships, love and sex are so interwoven that separating one from the other can easily lead to extinguishing or stifling the relationship. They are two sides of a coin and this is the premise upon which his maiden website is anchored upon. In his spare time, Raymond enjoys nature and outdoor photography, reading, listening to music, and watching movies.

Visit http://www.loving-relationship.com/, to discover and celebrate the possibilities and richness of a truly satisfying Loving and Romantic Relationship. Get loads of incisive and practical tips, articles and resources to help heal the wounds of a breakup, get your ex back, get back stronger and better poised to find the partner of your dreams.  To read more of Raymond's insightful articles, Click Here!

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Men and women have different view about love and sex. Generally, it is believed that women consistently seem to associate love with sex, whereas for men it is easier to have sexual intercourse for pleasure and physical release, without any emotional commitment. Although sex is not everything in a relationship, it's a big part of it. Good sex generally plays a big part in starting and maintaining a relationship, a point which cannot be overemphasised.

Sexuality is rarely understood for what it truly is - an innate and healthy part of being alive and being human. Sexuality plays an important role in the intricacies of "being in love". However, sexual experiences can occur without love, and without one necessarily being in love. Love on its own equally includes other things beside sexual activity.

There is a need for gender consideration on the issue of love and sex as cultures often determine what an individual considers to be sex or love and how the two relate. For example, females are often taught that in order to have sex, one must need to be in love.

However, both men and women proclaim that they value love and affection in sexual relationships. Both view lovemaking as the deepest form of sharing between two people because of the emotional bond that takes place when two people are intimate with each other. In fact, when women get disappointment with their partner's lack of sexual intimacy and they are left unfulfilled in their sexual encounters with their partner; they develop the notion that their bodies have been used solely for the man's temporary physical satisfaction.

Though there may be some element of truth to the statement that men are more easily aroused than women and that most men engage in sexual activity mostly for pleasure and physical release, it does not however mean that the sex in the relationship is the main reason men get involve in relationships. This would be grossly untrue. It is therefore necessary not to assume that this is necessarily what happens with the consciousness of males.

Though there may be those who have first felt mere sexual appetite for a woman and then gone on at a later stage to "fall in love with her", this is however not all that common. Rather what often comes first is simply a delighted pre-occupation with the object of his affection, a general unspecified pre-occupation with her in her totality.

A man in this state rarely has leisure to think of sex but is rather too busy thinking of a person. The fact that she is a female is far less important than the fact that she is herself. The personality is the main object of a man in love. He is full of desire, but the desire most often is never sexually toned. If asked at this point what a man really wanted, the true reply would often be, "to go on thinking of her".

However, when at a later stage the explicitly sexual element awakes, he will not feel that this had all along been the root of the whole matter. Love enters him like an invader, taking over and reorganising, one by one, the facets of his life. It may take some time before it reaches the sex in him but it will ultimately reorganise that too when it does get there.

The sexual desire aspect of love is intricately woven into the fabric of humans - both men and women. A man that is in love has almost everything focused on his beloved - a part of him that is outside of him - in the real world. That is why, love - though the king of pleasures - always has the air of regarding pleasure as a by-product. For one of the first things that love does is to obliterate the distinction between who is giving and receiving pleasure.

In some mysterious but quite indisputable fashion, a man desires his beloved and not the pleasure she can give. No true lover in the world ever sought the embraces of the woman he loved as the result of a calculation, however unconscious, that she would be more pleasurable than any other woman.

It is important to understand that a man's desire for sex doesn't start in his genitals but begins in his mind - the centre of all eroticism. However, at time goes by, sexual experiences substantially redefine the nature of that link. The initial giving of pleasure to his partner may start to diminish gradually when a man's locus of sex becomes singularly associated with the goal of erection and orgasm.

At such point of loosing focus of what pleasurable sex should be is when a man's main goal for engaging in sexual intercourse becomes to experience pleasure and physical release. Deep emotional commitments then are not always part of his sexual activities. Pleasure with time becomes all but a legitimate goal for sexual activities. However this does not go to say that he does not love and care for his partner; the sexual intimacy just isn't what it used to be.

Women have strong physical ties to sexuality but do not have sex like men. For women, however, sex is viewed as a purposeful activity that not only leads to motherhood but also serves as a source of arousing and pleasurable experience. Love and emotional commitment for a woman are necessary factors intertwined with sex. While women can also be aroused by visual stimuli, they tend to need more kinaesthetic ones - such as stroking, kissing, and cuddling - to get aroused for sex.

However, for men desire and arousal are virtually one and the same. But for women, intimacy, affection, trust, humour, respect and security are among components that they require in arousing their desire for sexual intimacy. While men also appreciate these qualities, they do not necessarily need them to get turned on for sex.

Consequently, while love may not necessarily be an ingredient for sexual relation and satisfaction, women to a larger degree, need the love and deep emotional commitment from their partners as they take longer to become aroused and achieve orgasm. Men should redefine their focus about sex realising the differences between the sexuality of both sexes - women need more of attention, foreplay, and extra time to enjoy good and pleasurable sex.

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