10 Ways Men and Women Communicate Differently
“You just don’t understand!” is a complaint that could originate from either gender. Despite the escalating divorce rate, the truly amazing fact is that couples get together and stay together at all; at least where communication is involved. Women tend to use communication to develop emotional bonds with others. Men use it to obtain a goal, so after it’s achieved there should be no further need for communication. This leads to women feeling that men are detached, and men feeling that women are inquisitors.
Both men and women can be caring, combative, task-oriented, and/or romantic. In communication, women seek commonalities while men are more competitive. These differences can result in miscommunication. This gap between men and women is largely a result of nature, not nurture. They are wired differently. Women’s brains are better at verbal duties while men’s brains perform better on visual-spatial and mathematical exercises. It’s no surprise that women prefer to talk and men would rather do than say.
According to Melissa Dittman Tracey, there are five main communication differences between the sexes:
1. Women’s brains are always ‘on.’
There is more neural activity in the female brain at any given time than in the male brain.
2. Men just want the facts.
Men usually ask fewer questions to stimulate conversation in their work relationships and often end conversations more abruptly than women.
3. Women focus on friendship first.
For female salespeople, they tend to build relationships when they sell. They don’t tend to go into a transaction focused on the final outcome but wanting to build rapport and learn more about the client first.
4. Men take it one task at a time.
Men tend to like to focus on one task at a time, whereas women’s brains are more geared to multitask.
5. Women remember the little details.
Females can generally remember more physical and relational details than men.
Meanwhile, Susan Sherwood, PhD, maintains that there are 10 specific areas within communication that the genders differ:
1. Nonverbal – Women are more demonstrative while men are more conservative.
2. Body orientation – Women appear more physically engaged, but appearances can be deceiving.
3. Arguments – Men are more direct and less concerned about feelings, while women often approach issues in a more circuitous fashion.
4. Apologies – Women apologize more, hoping to create or sustain connections. Men view apologies as a loss of face.
5. Compliments – Women use these as a way of connecting with others, while men are more likely to offer evaluations and advice.
6. Problem solving – Men prefer action and desire immediate results; women discuss problems and feelings, and look for common experiences to share with others.
7. Negotiation – Women prefer discussion, their goal being agreement. Men feel that this is manipulation. They are more direct and want speedy results.
8. Chatterbox – Surprisingly in the long run men and women talk about the same amount. The differences are in the subject and goals of the discussions. Women talk more to family and close friends, exchanging support and experiences, while men’s goal is to exchange information whether at work or in formal or social situations.
9. Interrupting – Women interrupt to demonstrate concern. Men interrupt to try to control the conversation.
10. E-mail – Women send e-mail regarding relationships; men may be seeking information, influence and respect.
Women need to know that a lack of communication on a man�s part has more to do with their different wiring, not because of a lack of affection. Men tend to express themselves better through actions more than words. Working to earn money in order to take care of their families is men’s easiest expression of love. By the same token men need to understand that women express themselves through verbal communication. Their feelings need to be acknowledged as opposed to explained away.
Seems to me that a deeper and more empathetic understanding of how men and women express themselves can lead to a greater understanding between the sexes.
What We Can Learn About Love From French Women
There is a difference between French and American women when it comes to dating and relationships. Compared to American women, French women revel in the enjoyment and acceptance of what is rather than focusing on what is not or striving for perfection.
French women celebrate their individuality and femininity without worrying about others’ opinions. They do what makes them feel good whether it follows social conventions or not. They also accept the men in their lives for who they are and don’t want to change them.
Debra Ollivier compares and contrasts the differences between American and French women in her book, “What French Women Know: the About Love, Sex, and Other Matters of the Heart and Mind.” Many of these differences stem from one fundamental distinction that in France there are no “rules” about love and sex or how to dress, look or act.
In America, women must follow a complicated rule book which dictates the right and wrong way to manage everything about a relationship with a man from the first meeting to dating, marriage and divorce through repeating the process. French women have a “take it or leave it” attitude. They believe, and act as if, life is short and time’s a-wasting. This gives them a sense of immediacy that translates into a live-for-today outlook that American women could benefit from.
French women celebrate instead of shy away from individuality. They make their own rules, don’t mind imperfections and embrace their femininity. Although the generalizations abound, there is at least a grain of truth in every one.
Ollivier explores many cultural differences and some of these may be beneficial for American women to adopt. According to the author, the culture in France affords French women a strong sense of self and a mysterious confidence that is so appealing to American women because it is so different from what we are used to. Similarly, French women are comfortable with uncertainty as opposed to American women, who have been raised with, and thus prefer, structure and rules.
Another difference is that French people are more discreet. Their culture is less communicative, especially on a personal level. Personal information is kept private. What comes off as charming and alluring in a French woman may be interpreted as arrogant and bitchy in an American woman. Unless you are dealing with a French man, you may be completely misread.
Unlike in America, it’s OK in France to be unhappy. In the U.S., there is so much pressure to be happy that it can make us miserable. American women equate happiness with perfection. When we’re not trying to change ourselves, we’re working on changing our mates. French women know relationships are not checking accounts. Love and sex cannot be forced into perfect 50/50 shares. These women also know that cohabiting requires cooperation, consideration and compatibility.
The French live by the aphorism, “carpe diem.” They are truly living their lives with a sharp consciousness of the pleasures and problems life can entail and the knowledge of how short life can be. Indeed, this may be the most important message we take away from this book. The French philosophy, in contrast to the American woman�s eternal quest for perfection, is more a savor the moment, devil-may-care way of life.
If there is one thing that we, as American women, can take away from this book it is that we should try to learn to accept and like ourselves for who we are and not care about what others think of us. Rather than compete with men, we’d be better served to develop a true affection for them. By calling a truce in the battle of the sexes, everyone can win.
What is SEXTing Anyway?
“SEXTing” is a term that gets thrown around a lot these days. With technology so readily available, it was only a matter of time until our sexuality made its way to our cell phones. SEXTing refers to anyone sending sexually explicit messages or racy photos to partners, peers, or the public; this trend originally referred to use of cell phone cameras and messaging, but now encompasses email and social media transmissions.
This racy trend has gotten the attention of the public, including law makers, parents, teachers, bosses, and most people who are in relationships. Many people, ranging from teenagers to mature adults, are using SEXTing to attract the attention of a potential partner, spice up their sex life, and even engage in cyber-affairs. What seems to be an innocent flirtation might be more onerous than some people think. Negative effects of SEXTing include:
• Photos or videos meant for a private audience can be shared among others
• Digital images leave a footprint online. Once pictures have made their way online, it can be difficult or impossible to remove them
• Some SEXTing is currently illegal, especially if committed by someone underage.
With such obvious negative possibilities, you might think that this act would be left to the young and fool-hearty. In fact, SEXTing was originally thought to be a problem just among teens and the younger generation. The popularity has since spread and now it seems like everyone has at least thought about it! So who IS still SEXTing?
Teenagers: This age group is making headlines with how quickly they’ve taken to this trend! With an abundance of smart phones and cameras filling high school halls and popular hang outs, it’s no surprise that teenagers are hot and heavy in the SEXTing scene. A study by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, as well as CosmoGirl magazine, suggests that about 20 percent of teenagers ages 13 to 19 have shared nude or semi-nude pictures of themselves via text messages or by posting them online. This study shows that teen girls are more likely to share their explicit photos than boys; 51% of teen girls who were polled reported that they receive pressure from boys to send these messages.
One of the many sticky situations SEXTing teens can find themselves in revolve around the fact that underage SEXTing is illegal. This falls under creation, distribution and possession of child porn, is a federal offense. While some politicians understand that children will make mistakes and are working to change this, others are actively prosecuting those taking the pictures and those receiving them!
Young Adults: The SEXTing craze doesn’t end with age. In fact, it only increases in popularity. The CosmoGirl study suggests that approximately 33% of people between the ages of 20 and 26 have shared their suggestive photos. A study by USA Today suggests that the number is closer to 59% of young adults who are sharing these via text. The images may also be more explicit than those sent by teenagers, but they are circulated in the same methods: via texts and online posts.
Women: The trend across all age groups, including teenagers, young adults, and mature adults, is that women are more likely than men to send nude photos and sexually explicit texts. Married women are regarded as especially vulnerable to SEXTing affairs; experts think this is because women often feel as though they are being taken for granted by their husbands. Whether they are bored with their sex life, looking for a new source of empowerment, or a new vessel for appreciation, women are definitely involved in this trend.
Men: While studies seem to suggest that women send more SEXT messages, men are just as likely as women to receive these messages. While they may not be as active a participant, men are certainly included in the SEXTing trend. In fact, men may view this as an innocent way to explore their sexuality; if they don’t regard SEXTing as cheating, it may seem like a safe alternative to an affair. As far as adult SEXTing goes, it’s men who seem to be making the news headlines: Remember Anthony Weiner’s Twitter exploits?
Nancy Travers, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, specializes in all types of relationships; dating, existing relationships, family relationships, and relationships with friends and business relationships. She also helps her clients overcome anxiety and depression through talk therapy as well as through hypnosis.
What sets her apart from many other counselors is that she has counseled in the gay/lesbian community for over 10 years. She also has experience counseling families with elder care issues. Nancy has been in practice for over 15 years and can provide you with the tools you need to approach dating and relationships with confidence.
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5 TIPS TO PLEASE YOUR MAN IN BED
Written by Michael Webb
Want to give your man a thrilling experience like
never before? Here are 5 really simple ways to make
your lovemaking hotter, steamier and more
passionate, starting tonight!
1. THE BEST POSITION FOR HIS ENJOYMENT
Practically every animal species utilizes the
rear-entry “doggy-style” position, so it is a
natural one for humans to enjoy, as well. While you
won’t have face-to-face contact, there are many
benefits. It’s great for guys because it gives them
full control. This is one of the best positions
for hitting her G-spot and allows him to fondle
your breasts, stomach, clitoris, back, neck and
other sensual spots. The main benefit for your man
is that he’ll be able to get incredibly deep
penetration (above-average guys need to be careful
as deep thrusts might hit her cervix, which can be
quite painful).
2. FIND YOUR MAN’S “HIDDEN ZONES
Yes, men love to be touched sensually too. I call
these “hidden” zones because many people don’t
realize, or forget, that these areas of the body
LOVE attention. While many of these zones are
obvious, like the lips, groin, and inner thighs,
there are also areas that, when stroked, caressed
and kissed, can drive your partner wild and even
intensify their orgasm. Believe it or not, the
ears, neck, arms, chest and scalp are all really
sensitive areas that love to be stimulated. Spend
some time during foreplay caressing and touching
these areas, and watch how it pleases your partner.
3. SET A ROMANTIC MOOD
Think men aren’t romantic or wouldn’t appreciate
it? Think again! Everyone loves a thoughtful and
kind gesture. Of course you might think that using
candles, music, incense and even rose petals to set
the mood of your lovemaking is a little too
“cliché.” But he’ll think differently! Your partner
will LOVE YOU for this. Just imagine how happy you
would feel if someone went to all the trouble to
create a special lovemaking occasion that you can
cherish for years to come. Could this be so
“cliché” because people enjoy it so much? Point
made.
4. GIVE HIM A HAND JOB
When beginning a genital massage, start with
lighter, irregular strokes like teasing. As you
get further and further into it, stick with two or
three main strokes that your partner really enjoys.
Developing a good rhythm that your partner can get
into is the key to bringing your partner to orgasm
with a genital massage.
5. PLEASE YOUR MAN WITH MORE ORAL SEX
If I had to give you one piece of advice to make
your lovemaking perfect, it would be: learn the art
of fellatio. It’s true, all men love it. It feels
great and actually takes a lot of trust and comfort
to let somebody have their mouth down there. In
short, it’s an important part of lovemaking and is
often the main event. Problem is, women often
start fellatio by sucking on the penis straightaway
when, actually, they should start with some playful
teasing and soft touches. This will lead to a much
more powerful orgasm as it heightens his
anticipation. Make sure you use different
techniques and your tongue, as well.
So there you have it. Five great ways to make your
man more satisfied in the bedroom. While they’re
all great, I would recommend putting most of your
energy and time into learning fellatio, simply
because men crave it so much and the loving smile
and kisses you’ll probably get in return are
definitely worth it.
About the author:
Oprah Love Expert Michael Webb is the author of
Blow by Blow: the complete guide to fellatio.
Unfortunately, most women leave men frustrated and
disappointed after fellatio. Learn to be one of the
rare women who can satisfy him with oral sex.
To learn more:
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